Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
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