I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
Hello my rib-scented angel!
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
there is glitter all over my balls
Randomize
