brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
Randomize
