I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
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