I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
Randomize
