I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Randomize
