i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
I have already put on my inside pants.
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
Randomize
