I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
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