What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
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