I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
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