the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
