fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
Randomize
