Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
She just used a chaser for red wine.
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
Randomize
