time to smoke my breakfast
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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