we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
Randomize
