Will you blow on my dice?
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
why is half of my head shaved?
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize