I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
Randomize
