Ok let me ask a question, does aderall make women less apt to have sex?
Cause it just destroys penises
Was that inappropriate? I can't gauge these things anymore
Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
Randomize
