Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
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