you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize