So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
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