How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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