Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
And then he peed in my hair
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