somebody snuck up and got me drunk
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
Randomize
