Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
