I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
Randomize
