I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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