I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
