it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Randomize
