I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
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