You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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