hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
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