4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
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