The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Randomize
