what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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