Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Randomize
