You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
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