I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
Green mimosas i think yes
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
