Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
Randomize
