I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
Randomize
