My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
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