i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
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