It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
Randomize