HIV tests are more positive than that guy
38 yer olds are good kisserssss
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
Randomize
