You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
Randomize
