hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
Randomize
