i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
Randomize
