I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
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