Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
True strength comes from lack of pants
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
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