8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
Randomize
