That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
