Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Randomize