Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
Randomize
