I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
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