found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
Randomize
