I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
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