You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
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