Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
Randomize
