Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
