I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
Randomize
