her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
