now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Randomize
