I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
Randomize
