well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
How do i ask the guy i made out with for 4 hours if he is gay? He keeps telling me i'm so adorable and that he had a ''blasty''
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
Randomize
