The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Randomize
