I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
Randomize
