I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
Randomize
