I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
Randomize
