I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
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