oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
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