I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
Randomize
