I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
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