Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
Randomize
