I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize