We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
