STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
How does one acquire holy water?
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Randomize
