I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
Randomize
