Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
Randomize