i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
your like the ambassador to my penis.
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Randomize
