How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Randomize
