I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
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