The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
