? is bags or t-bags slang for scrotum?
jesus mom
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
My breath smells like gin and sadness
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
Randomize
