oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
Randomize
