I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
