I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Randomize
