Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
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