I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
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