God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize
