Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize