$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Randomize
