Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
Randomize
