I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
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