Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
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