I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
Randomize
