if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize