she woke up with a sticky ear
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
Randomize
