I'm so fucking centered right now
if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
Randomize
