he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
Randomize