I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
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