My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
