I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
Randomize