dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Randomize
