Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
Randomize
