Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
Randomize
